Depression: A Disorder of Power
Discover new strategies for emerging from the hopelessness and negative thoughts of depression
Based on the innovative theories first presented in her highly acclaimed book From Conflict to Resolution, this lively audio tape by psychologist Susan Heitler sheds new light on depression and what makes it go away
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In Part I, Dr. Heitler introduces three examples of depression:
- Bonnie, frustrated with her inattentive husband
- Carl, unemployed and discouraged about finding a job
- Jack, down and out since his girlfriend left him
Part II examines what these cases have in common to explain that depression:
- May be triggered by a loss — Jack’s girlfriend, Carl’s job
- Centers around a conflict, either within yourself, between people, or with a situation
- Results from giving up on getting your concerns addressed
Part III focuses on techniques for breaking through the blues:
- Escaping from the submissive mode
- Visualizing to discover underlying concerns
- Focusing on positive solutions
- Giving up on control and thereby gaining power
ANXIETY: Friend or Foe?
based on Dr. Susan Heitler’s innovative approach, explores how to transform anxiety from an overwhelming force into a powerful ally. You will learn practical strategies to understand anxiety as a tool for identifying underlying issues, clarifying your concerns, and prompting action. By reframing anxiety as a constructive force, participants will gain the skills to navigate stress and use it to fuel personal growth.
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Introduction to Anxiety as a Positive Force
- Understanding anxiety’s role in personal and emotional conflict
- Shifting perspectives: Viewing anxiety as an ally rather than an adversary
The Conflict-Based Theory of Anxiety
- Exploring the connection between awareness, conflict, and anxiety
- Identifying when anxiety arises and how to address the standstill it represents
Turning Anxiety Into Action
- Practical tools to use anxiety for problem-solving
- Strategies to clarify concerns and move toward resolution
Identifying Productive vs. Unproductive Anxiety
- Recognizing when anxiety helps versus when it hinders
- How to avoid the traps of worry, regret, and catastrophic thinking
Applications in Real Life
- Using anxiety as a tool for personal growth in scenarios such as decision-making, new challenges, and overcoming failures
- Case studies: Turning shyness, panic attacks, and agoraphobia into opportunities for self-awareness and action
Interactive Therapeutic Interviews
- Live demonstrations where participants explore anxiety through therapeutic techniques
- Real-world applications: Anxiety in career decisions, life transitions, and recovery from setbacks
Conflict Resolution for Couples
This class introduces powerful, actionable techniques for couples to resolve conflicts effectively without falling into unproductive arguments. Drawing on Dr. Susan Heitler’s extensive work, participants will learn how to address sensitive topics, improve communication, and convert conflict into cooperative problem-solving. This class offers a roadmap for couples looking to strengthen their relationships through practical tools for resolving disputes and building understanding.
LISTEN HERE
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
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Foundations of Conflict Resolution
- Introduction to effective communication techniques
- How to provide information without insult or escalation
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Active Listening for Dialogue Progress
- Techniques for listening that keep conversations productive and forward-moving
- Strategies to express feelings in a non-hurtful way
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Turning Conflict into Problem Solving
- Clarifying initial positions
- Exploring underlying concerns and motives
- Choosing solutions that optimize for both partners
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Addressing Escalated Conflicts
- Tools to recognize when arguments have taken a negative turn
- Methods for extricating from arguments and avoiding blame
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Cleaning Up After Arguments
- Techniques for managing the emotional “toxic spill” after a fight
- Steps to prevent similar conflicts from recurring
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Practical Demonstrations
- Interactive sessions featuring actors portraying couples in conflict scenarios
- Live problem-solving exercises, Q&A with a live audience
Empowered Relationship Podcast – Episode 169:
Discusses what to do when depression affects relationships, featuring Dr. Heitler’s insights.
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GUEST: DR. SUSAN HEITLER
Susan Heitler PhD is a Denver clinical psychologist and widely-read author. Educated at Harvard and NYU, Susan Heitler offers self-help information for individuals and for couples. Dr. Heitler also writes for therapists, offering new understandings and treatments for anxiety, anger, depression, narcissism, and relationship challenges. Dr. Heitler’s web-page provides an overview with links to 40+ years of books. blog posts, articles, podcasts, videos, webinars, online marriage education program, and more. Dr. Susan Heitler has earned a national and international reputation as one of America’s leading psychologists.
(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)
DEPRESSION:
“What triggers depression is feeling powerless and giving up on something you want.” by Dr. Susan Heitler
- Emotions get manifested in the body by physical changes.
- What triggers emotion is important.
- Depression is a disorder of power.
- There is a continuum of depression (going from being down or blue to having little ability to function and having suicidal ideation).
- Get help if you or your partner are experiencing severe depression through the way of a therapist and psychiatrist.
BUMP MODEL:
- Challenges in life are the bumps in the road.
- How you respond to the bump in the road helps determine what you experience going forward.
3 P’S PRESCRIPTION FOR DEALING WITH DEPRESSION:
- Pinpoint. Figure out the trigger. What is the bump in the road?
- Pump up. Take a deep breath. Take a power pose. Imagine yourself getting bigger and taller.
- Problem solve. Think of solutions from a much more empowered position.
TWO QUESTIONS TO TEST FOR DEPRESSION:
- After pinpointing the issue, ask yourself “Do you feel small compared to the other person or other thing involved?”
- Are you engaging in the negative cognitive triad (thinking negatively about self, others, and the future)?
HOW COUPLES CAN DEAL WITH DEPRESSION:
- Share concerns.
- Listen to concerns.
- Aim for win/win solutions.
ENJOY ANTIDOTES FOR DEPRESSION TOGETHER:
- Sunshine.
- Music.
- Nature.
- Activity.
HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR PARTNER’S BAD MOOD:
- If you want to help your partner, don’t assume what they need. Ask. Ask your partner “What helps and what doesn’t help?”
- If your partner is in a negative space, you may want to go do a separate activity to create some space (where you can experience positivity). Then, maybe your partner can join your positive mood, rather than you joining your partner’s negative mood.
- Don’t take your partner’s irritability and anger.
- Create safety together for talking about what is going on.
Engaging in a relationship well requires maturity and skill.
The Meaningful Life with Andrew G. Marshall
Dr. Heitler talks about win-win problem-solving in relationships.
Forget fair fighting, what you and your partner should aim for is win-win problem solving. According to psychologist Dr Susan Heitler, If you can learn to investigate and share the deep-seated emotions behind a particular argument, the two of you can emerge stronger and more connected as a couple. In this week’s episode, Andrew and Susan explore how childhood patterns can be replicated in adult relationships, and discuss a case-study in which a couple is able to overcome a toxic disagreement over food waste that had brought them to the brink of divorce. Dr Susan Heitler is a Harvard-educated clinical psychologist with a doctorate from NYU. She has authored multiple self-help books, plus books for therapists on treatment techniques. She aims to show how to handle life’s bumps—the conflicts, difficult interactions, negative feelings, traumas, and tough decisions—in ways that sustain a sense of well-being. Dr Heitler’s articles on Psychology Today have received over 24 million reads.