Why Doesn’t She/He Listen To Me? 10 Possibilities
The Very Best Gift You Can Give
Give it on holidays and every day, to your loved ones, and to yourself. Read more.
Are these 10 psychological understandings enhancing your well-being? Read More
The Joy of Blogging: Applause without the Burdens of Fame
On the relationship between bloggers and readers that makes readership better than fame. Read More
What can you do to increase the odds that you will succeed in selecting a mate and sealing the deal? Read More
Want to Be More Persuasive? Use The Right Body Part First!
All people from time to time find themselves in a situation in which they want someone to see it their way. To be maximally persuasive, skip the sweet-talking, forget being insistent, and avoid all debating. Instead… Read More
We all know how to talk. So why do couples therapists teach “communication skills” to couples that are having relationship troubles? Read More
When couples fight about money, they are moving forward on a high risk road. Danger ahead. Read More
How Does Communication Flow in your Relationships?
Water, traffic and words all flow. When the flow is laminar, that is, smooth, the interactions feel cooperative. Blockage and turbulence in the flow of speech signal that cooperation has broken down, replaced by listening blockages and adversarial stances. Read More
How is it that some people seem to be able to think through problems in a way that leads to creative solutions while others just get increasingly agitated and anxious? The key may lie in one little three-letter word. Read More
How to Express Feelings… and How Not to
Expressing feelings enables us to think through and move on from troubling negative emotions. It also brings us closer to those with whom we share these feelings. On the other hand, mistakes in how we express these feelings (like saying “You make me feel…”) bring on the opposite effect. This particular phrase pushes people away and makes matters worse. Read More
What Makes Conflict? How Are Conflicts Resolved?
Conflicts create bad feelings like irritation, frustration, anger, anxiety and depression. Left to fester, the situation about which people are in conflict are likely to create worse feelings over time. Learn the 3-step pathway from conflict to resolution and your life will feel far easier, happier and more peaceful. Read More
Skip the Criticism Altogether. Give Feedback Instead.
The notion of constructive criticism is bogus. Criticism stings. Instead, give feedback. That’s more useful and generally painless. Can you tell the difference? Here’s three examples to test out your ear. Read More
Emotional IQ Alone Is Not Enough For Marriage Success
Emotional IQ is to marriage what athletic talent is to sports. Emotional IQ indicates talent in the realm of relationships. Talent helps. But talent alone does not lead to great performance as a husband or wife. You also need to develop strong marriage communication and conflict resolution skills. Read More
Icebreakers 101: Seven Tips for Getting to Know Anyone Anywhere
I can vouch for this getting-to-know-folks strategy having just returned from my husband’s 45th college reunion where I knew virtually no one. Read More
Clear Needless Emotional Clutter From Your Relationships
Clearing your language of these five needlessly provocative words and short phrases can have a surprisingly positive impact on your relationships. Read More
Sexual Intercourse and Talking Together: What’s the Same?
What could sex and talking together possibly have in common? Lots…. Read More
Positive leaders are upbeat to talk with. They feel “warm.” Whether they are your boss, your employee or colleague, your friend, family members or loved ones; these folks feel safe to share with, and, like sunshine, radiate good vibes. Their positivity makes you want to talk with them more because they’ve set good vibes as a relationship standard. Read More
Lessons from the Tom Cruise Katie Holmes Divorce
Katie Holmes’ divorce from Tom Cruise caught many folks by surprise. Here’s one analysis of how marriages come apart. Read More
Marriage: 8 Dangerously Wrong Conventional Wisdoms
Mistaken advice about marriage can have potent impacts. Beware especially of these relationship-wreckers. Read More
How Technological Distractions Destroy Connections
There’s many signs, including absurdly broad usage of antidepressants, that college students these days seem to be struggling emotionally. I recently forwarded the link to a particularly worrisome PT posting about depression on college campuses to an Ivy League student friend of mine. Here’s what he wrote back to me. Read More
Skip the Criticism Altogether. Give Feedback Instead.
The notion of constructive criticism is bogus. Criticism stings. Instead, give feedback. That’s more useful and generally painless. Can you tell the difference? Here’s three examples to test out your ear. Read More
What Went Wrong? How Men and Women Differ in their Decision-Making Glitches
Men rush for the finish line. Women explore, communicating about various underlying concerns. And therein lies the struggle. Read More
The Art of Disagreeing Agreeably
Do you avoid conflict? Feel reluctant to offer differing opinions? Do you err on the other side, disagreeing often and inadvertently making yourself unpleasant to talk with? This triple A (AAA) strategy for expressing disagreement can enable you to share your differing viewpoints in a way that keeps your relationships harmonious. Read More
Get Off on the Right Foot So Your Viewpoints Won’t Get Left Out
Feeling like your voice does not get taken seriously? It’s frustrating to feel ignored and also to receive automatic no’s from your associates. Here’s six effective sentence-starters, for use at home or at work. A good start increases the odds that folks will pay attetion to your perspective. Read More
A Plan for Zero Arguments
Exit strategies work best when they have been designed mutually, and when they have been carefully created prior to the emotionally upsetting situation. Plan your exit routines now using this checklist. Then your plan will be ready for action next time you need to avert a clash. Read More
The Art of Listening: How Open Are Your Ears?
How would you rate yourself as a lover? Rate yourself on your listening skills to assess how well you can connect with a partner. Here’s a self-assessment quiz that zeros in on the five key listening skills for gratifying relationships at work and at home. Read More
Does Compatibility Predict Marriage Success?
Turns out that who shall stay married and who shall divorce depends on skills for staying cooperative. Take drivers ed to stay safe when you drive. Take marriage ed to stay safe when you marry. Read More
Four Ways to Assure You Won’t Get What You Want, at Work or at Home
Here’s four ways that are likely to create bad feelings with work colleagues. They can also help you lose your job, end your love relationships, and wreck your holidays. Read More
Solve Tough Dilemmas With the Win-Win Waltz
Differences are inevitable within any partnership, at work or at home. To settle conflicts with resolutions you both feel really good about, use this worksheet to guide you through the three steps of the win-win waltz. Then you can always be a winner. Read More
How Does Communication Flow in your Relationships?
Water, traffic and words all flow. When the flow is laminar, that is, smooth, the interactions feel cooperative. Blockage and turbulence in the flow of speech signal that cooperation has broken down, replaced by listening blockages and adversarilal stances. Read More
How Does Communication Flow in Your Relationships?
Communication is the flow of information in relationships. Information flows between people just like water flows in nature’s streams. Smooth laminar flow is good. Bumpy turbulence causes problems. Read More
Mistakes, Mishaps, Miscommunications? Game’s Not Over
Most people don’t mean to hurt others feelings, yet from time to time we mistakenly do. When glitches come to your attention, do you get embarrassed? Defensive? Better to repay the emotional debt you incurred. Here’s a recipe for apologies that can wipe the debt clean, and even turn your mistake into a nourishing relationship moment. Read More
