All too often, hurtful words slip inadvertently from our mouths. Sometimes we genuinely meant no harm. At other times it’s worth checking in with our quiet voices. Did we in fact mean to poke or jab? And if so, why? Freud wrote about jokes, saying that they really do tend to rest on subconscious truths. […]
Author Archives: susanh
To fully clean up distressed feelings an apology needs to include the following ingredients. 1. Specificity: “I’m sorry about my ______.” That is, specify exactly what you did that you see now was mistaken. 2. Non-intentionality: “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 3. Clarification: What was your miss – the mistake, misperception, misunderstanding, miscommunication, mishap, […]
Like a three ring circus, conflict resolution therapy with couples includes three arenas of interventions. In Arena A the therapist identifies and guides resolution of the issues over which couples have been experiencing tensions. Tensions can be manifest in squabbles, fights, or reluctance to address specific issues for fear that talking would lead to arguments. […]
Three Levels of Conflict Resolution Treatment Susan Heitler, Ph.D., www.therapyhelp.com and www.poweroftwomarriage.com Jon and Julia came to therapy for help toning down their continual bickering. Now they rarely bicker and enjoy instead a warm and loving partnership. What does a conflict resolution therapist do that turns a couple like this from conflict to cooperation? My […]
Couples often seek information on how to fix a relationship, how to communicate with your spouse, how to handle marriage problems, and how to save a marriage. They are wise to seek out this kind of information, especially about skills for communication in marriage. Most of all they need conflict resolution skills for collaboratively finding win-win solutions to their differences.