Susan Heitler, Ph.D. Pleased To Kill You
www.therapyhelp.com Shane Marie Morrow Lecture
Metro Department of Psychology
October 10, 2007
I. DOMESTIC ABUSE The following readings on domestic abuse are from the website www.helpguide.org, a website with excellent resource listings.
Domestic violence and abuse
Domestic abuse occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” He uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you. He may threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.
Although men also suffer from abuse and violence, women are five to eight times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner. Because men are more often the abusers, and their strength makes them more likely to be able to cause physical harm, abusers are referred to as “he” in this article.
Victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence may be men or women, although women are more commonly victimized. Abuse may be targeted against a girlfriend, spouse, children, or elders. Abuse happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. Except for the gender difference, domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended.
Source: Mid-Valley Women’s Crisis Service
Spousal abuse and battery are used for one purpose: to gain and maintain total control over the victim. In addition to physical violence, abusers use the following tactics to exert power over their wives or partners:
· Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession.
· Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you’re worthless and that no one else will want you, you’re less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem
and make you feel powerless.
· Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, see anyone. Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, MN
· Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
· Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don’t obey, there will be violent
consequences.
· Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility onto you: Somehow, his violence and abuse is your fault.
Signs of an abusive relationship
There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most significant sign is fear of your partner. Other signs include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation. To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions in the table below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship.
SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
|
Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings |
Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior |
| Do you: | Does your partner: |
| · feel afraid of your partner much of the time? | · humiliate, criticize, or yell at you? |
| · avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? | · treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see? |
| · feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner? | · ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments. |
| · believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated | · blame you for his own abusive behavior? |
| · wonder if you’re the one who is crazy? | · see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person? |
| · feel emotionally numb or helpless? | |
| Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats | Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior |
| Does your partner: | Does your partner: |
| · have a bad and unpredictable temper? | · act excessively jealous and possessive? |
| · hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you? | · control where you go or what you do? |
| · threaten to take your children away or harm them? |
· keep you from seeing your friends or family? |
| · threaten to commit suicide if you leave? | · limit your access to money, the phone, or the car? |
| · force you to have sex? | · constantly check up on you? |
| · destroy your belongings? |
Types of domestic violence and abuse
There are different types of domestic abuse. Many abusers behave in ways that include more than one type of domestic abuse, and the boundaries between some of these behaviors may overlap.
Emotional or psychological abuse
Emotional or psychological abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Its aim is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship, or that without your abusive partner you have nothing. Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence.
You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so. Furthermore, emotional abuse usually worsens over time, often escalating to physical battery.
Physical abuse
When people talk about domestic violence, they are often referring to the physical abuse of a spouse or intimate partner. Physical abuse is the use of physical force against someone in a way that injures or endangers that person. There’s a broad range of behaviors that come under the heading of physical abuse, including hitting, grabbing, choking, throwing things, and assault with a weapon. Remember, physical assault or battering is a crime, whether it occurs inside or outside of the family. The police have the power and authority to protect you from physical attack.
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse is common in abusive relationships. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, between one-third and one-half of all battered women are raped by their partners at least once during their relationship. Any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity is sexual abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence. Furthermore, women whose partners abuse them physically and sexually are at a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed.
Economic or financial abuse
An abuser’s goal is to control you, and he will frequently hurt you to do that. In addition to hurting you emotionally and physically, an abusive partner may also hurt you in the pocketbook by:
· Controlling the finances.
· Withholding money or credit cards.
· Giving you an allowance.
· Making you account for every penny you spend.
· Stealing from you or taking your money.
· Exploiting your assets for personal gain.
· Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).
· Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
· Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly)
Domestic violence warning signs
Take Precautions. Call 911 or the police in your community if you suspect a case of domestic violence. It’s impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse. If you witness a number of warning signs in a friend, family member, or co-worker, you can reasonably suspect domestic abuse.
· Frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents”
· Frequent and sudden absences from work or school
· Frequent, harassing phone calls from the partner
· Fear of the partner, references to the partner’s anger
· Personality changes (e.g. an outgoing woman becomes withdrawn)
· Excessive fear of conflict
· Submissive behavior, lack of assertiveness
· Isolation from friends and family
· Insufficient resources to live (money, credit cards, car) Domestic Violence and Abuse: Help, Treatment, Intervention, and Prevention
· Depression, crying, low self-esteem
Reporting suspected domestic abuse is important. If you’re afraid of getting involved, remember that the report is confidential and everything possible will be done to protect your privacy. You don’t have to give your name, and your suspicions will be investigated before anyone is taken into custody. Most important, you can protect the victim from further harm by calling for help.
II. READINGS ON TERRORISM
The sources for these writings are listed with each article.
TEACHING TERROR: Violence Is Inherent in Saudi Education
– Nina Shea
Saudi Arabia now supplies jihad fighters for conflicts near and far, often in numbers far disproportionate to its size. The Saudi kingdom is the world’s leading exporter of suicide bombers and terrorists. A Saudi was the mastermind of the terror in Chechnya, Saudis figured prominently in recent suicide attacks against Spanish tourists in Yemen, and a Saudi doctor was a principal in the attack against the airport in Glasgow. In Guantanamo, Saudis are the second largest contingent after those from Afghanistan.
Saudi royal advisers, after reviewing the state’s curriculum a few years ago, concluded: “[The Saudi official religious curriculum] encourages violence toward others, and misguides the pupils into believing that in order to safeguard their own religion, they must violently repress and even physically eliminate the ‘other.'” The writer is director of the Hudson Institute’s Center for Religious Freedom. (National Review Online, September 17, 2007)
DON’T BLAME ZIONISM FOR THE VIOLENT ARAB CULTURE
The journalist and former Kuwaiti Communications Minister, Dr. Sa’ad Bin-Tafla, said that violent tendencies in Arab culture have deep roots and are not a product of the conflict with Zionism.
“I believe we are all responsible for this culture and Zionism and Imperialism have no part in it,” Bin-Tafla declared in a recent interview with Jordanian television, “It is incorrect to say that violence is the result of the occupation. The French occupation left Algeria after a million victims fell, and then 100,000 Algerians were slaughtered by other Algerians, in the name of Islam, within less than ten years. That is to say, sadly, more than even Israel could have killed
during the period of the intifada. This violence has cultural roots…
“The number of killed in Algeria and those killed by other Arab regimes is greater than the number of Palestinians killed by Israel…” the former Kuwaiti minister explained, adding, “There is a culture of violence that existed before the Americans arrived in Iraq and the Gulf, and even before the Israeli occupation in Palestine; before the American occupation in Afghanistan and Iraq.”
Bin-Tafla stated, “the slaughter, the destructive abuse, the anarchy and the bloodshed do not approach in any way the legal definition of Jihad or resistance. It is anarchy and terrorism and is indicative of frustration and a culture of collective suicide reminiscent of whales [which beach themselves]. Such a culture stems from objective and personal reasons.”
Bin-Tafla traces the source of much of the frustration among Arab youth to “an extremist religious stream” in the Islamic world. “It tells [the youth], ‘You must achieve one of two things – martyrdom or victory,'” the Kuwaiti journalist explained, “It prettifies the culture of violence and describes it as resistance and Jihad.”
Bin-Tafla also lays the blame on the Arab media: “Unfortunately, many in television, radio and print media… pushed these youth towards frustration and caused them to die needlessly, killing others with them, and to divide the world into black and white.” August 13, 2004, interview, Israel National News
HOW THE PA MAKES SUICIDE BOMBERS
By Itamar Marcus and Barbara Crook April 28, 2006, Israelinsider
What drives a young Palestinian to turn his body into a bomb? Suicide terrorists such as the man who killed nine people in Tel Aviv last week are not born hating. It is something they learn — and the Palestinian Authority has been the ideal teacher. It has perfected the arts of fomenting hatred and promoting suicide terror.
The first step in creating a terrorist is to promote hatred within the society by demonizing a target group. This target group is portrayed as so evil and threatening that killing its members is seen not as murder, but as justified revenge and admirable self-defense.
Examples of the PA’s incessant lies demonizing Jews and Israelis include a recent article in the official PA daily that describes Israeli military actions against missile launching sites in Gaza:
“It seems that the rivers of blood in our cities, villages and refugee camps are not yet satisfying the thirst of the blood-thirsty for Palestinian blood among the Israeli politicians and military…” [Al Hayat Al Jadida, March 4, 2006]
PA TV has been running daily video clips in recent weeks with actors depicting Palestinian prisoners going through horrific torture at the hands of Israeli guards. Hate libels are common, including the “drug libel” that Israel intentionally poisons and addicts Palestinian youths by spreading drugs throughout PA society. This was repeated on PA TV just two days ago by the PA Mufti, Ikrima Sabri.
Another component of this demonization is to depict Israel’s very existence as a nation as being illegitimate and temporary. This also continues unabated. One example is a documentary, broadcast twice in recent months, in which the Israeli city of Jaffa is defined as a stolen Palestinian city. The supposed documentary includes the words: “Palestine was attacked by invaders. It is time for you [Israelis] to be gone. Live wherever you like, but don’t live among us
(pictures of Jaffa). .. So leave our country, our land, our sea, our wheat, our salt, our wounds..”
The totality of this first PA message is to turn Israelis into the ultimate enemy: Israelis are evil and dangerous. Their very existence is illegal, and so they must be defeated and destroyed. Killing them is transformed into justice and self defence.
But it’s not enough to establish Israel as the enemy. The terrorists who kill Israelis must be seen as heroes and leaders of society – and that’s the second component of the PA’s creation of suicide terrorists.
There are no greater heroes and role models in PA society than terrorists. Summer camps for children have been named for Wafa Idris and Ayyat Al Achras – woman suicide terrorists. Sporting events are routinely named for terrorists, including a soccer match for 14-year-olds named after the terrorist who killed 31 Israelis four years ago at a Passover Seder in Netanya. The PA Ministry of Culture recently produced a poetry collection named after Hanadi Jaradat, the woman terrorist who killed 21 in a Haifa restaurant.
And just last month, the PA announced it was granting honorary citizenship to Lebanese terrorist Samir Quntar, who is serving a life sentence in an Israeli jail. Smadar Haran, wife and mother of Quntar’s murder victims, wrote in The Washington Post:
“It was a murder of unimaginable cruelty. The terrorists took (husband) Danny and (daughter) Einat down to the beach. One of them shot Danny in front of Einat. Then he smashed my little girl’s skull in against a rock with his rifle butt. That terrorist was Samir Quntar.”
The message the PA is sending to its people and its children by honouring Quntar and other terrorists is that killing Israelis is a ticket to honor and eternal glory.
A special program broadcast just last week on PA TV captures the essence of this message – and its acceptance within the highest levels of PA leadership. This is part of the poem a young girl chanted on Palestinian Children’s Day:
“Even if all the Jews arrived (in Israel) seeking refuge with the monkeys [as Jews are commonly called]… we will never accept compensation for our land. There is no substitute for Jerusalem!… Our death is like life, … even if I die as a Martyr…” [PA TV April 10, 2006]
Her audience included PA chairman Mahmoud Abbas, seated in the front row along with senior PA officials. Their reaction to these words of hate from the mouth of a young girl? Applause.
With messages to children fomenting hatred of Israelis and glorifying terrorists, and when the supposedly moderate Mr. Abbas appears on TV to applaud a young girl’s message of hatred and martyrdom, is it any wonder that young Palestinians become suicide terrorists?
Some Imams incite to kill women, beat children
by Itamar Marcus and Barbara Crook, Palestinian Media Watch
In an open challenge to Palestinian leadership, Dr. Nadir Sa’id of Bir Zeit University condemned the violence in Palestinian society and placed the blame on the political and religious leaders. He blamed both Fatah and Hamas, including the Prime Minister and others ministers, for hundreds of killings. He condemned some Imams who preach the killing of women and beating of children. He criticized these actions, as well as the hate incitement that
has created a Palestinian society permeated with violence. Children have learned that the use of violence achieves power and influence.
This self-criticism is rare in the PA media. If it continues, this is a positive development.
The following are some of Sa’id’s criticisms by topic, followed by an extended transcript. Dr. Nadir Sa’id, director of Development Studies at Bir Zeit University: About Palestinian children: “The message to Palestinian children is that if you use violence you can achieve influence and you can achieve rule.”
“A whole generation was raised on the denial of the ‘other’ and erasing him completely, and to the possibility of killing him without any restraint or problem.” About Incitement against women and others: “There are Imams who incite to killing: killing of women, beating children, killing the ‘other.'”
“What happened in Palestine in the last years is speech incitement of the highest degree. Violence speech of the highest degree in mosques, and occasionally in the media, from many politicians.”
About Palestinian Violence:
“There is a kind of conspiracy not to punish the criminals. Hundreds of Palestinians were killed in the recent struggle between Fatah and Hamas. Who will punish those who gave the orders? Who will punish those who committed [the crimes]? Who will punish the people who remained silent?” About Palestinian Authority leadership: “The next government [of Hamas with Fatah] is a crime against Palestinian society.”
“The prime minister and many of the ministers and security apparatuses are the ones who eased and facilitated the killing of hundreds of Palestinians.”
“Who will punish those who caused the killing of these children, these women, these men this is a political crime of the highest level.”
The following are selections from the interview with Dr. Sa’id: “The last months in particular proved without a doubt the existence of political crime [in Palestinian society], and it is related to the attempt to achieve a high level of power, control and influence. The political struggle for rule. One of the primary and clear forms, which draws attention, having powerful and clear influence, and which caused hundreds of deaths, is clearly the crimes committed in the
struggle for influence in the [Palestinian] Authority. But there are other types, including the attempt to threaten opposition, threaten those who disagree.
What is important regarding political crime, and especially in the Palestinian situation, is that there is a kind of conspiracy not to punish the criminals. This is the big problem. Hundreds of Palestinians were killed in the recent struggle between Fatah and Hamas. First: Who will punish those who facilitated these violent environmental conditions? Who will punish those who gave the orders? Who will punish those who committed [the crimes]? Who will punish the people who remained silent and did not hesitate to justify this type of violence?
What we see now, and this is the basic problem in the culture regarding the culture of violence, is that what has happened, he who killed here and there, is now appointed as a minister in the [Palestinian] National Authority. That is, it is a clear message.
The message to Palestinian children is that if you use violence and succeed in benefiting from it in the political struggle, you can achieve influence and you can achieve rule. In my opinion, the next government, and in particular between the two parties competing in its establishment, is, in my opinion, a crime against Palestinian society, especially when the prime minister and many of the ministers and security apparatuses are the ones who eased and
facilitated – in addition to the Imams of the mosques, and the preachers and others – who eased and facilitated the killing of hundreds of Palestinians.
Who will punish those who caused, directly and indirectly, the killing of these children, these women, these men who have no guilt in this struggle? This is, in my opinion, a political crime of the highest level.”
“What happened in Palestine in the last years is speech incitement of the highest degree. Violence speech of the highest degree in mosques, and occasionally in the media, from many politicians. If we examine the sermons in mosques, we find many of them, not all – on the contrary! There are a number of Imams who promote social peace – but there are Imams who incite to killing: killing of women, beating children, killing the “other”, rejection of the “other’s”
opinion. A whole generation was raised on the denial of the “other” and erasing him completely, and to the possibility of killing him without any restraint or problem.” [PA TV, 3- 6-2007]
Please feel free to forward this bulletin, crediting Palestinian Media Watch. To SUBSCRIBE to PMW reports, send an e-mail to pmw@pmw.org.il with “SUBSCRIBE” in the subject line.
Hamas’ Approach to Jihad: Start Them Young – Dan Murphy
It is the Hamas movement’s youth focus that sets it apart from Fatah. The basic unit of the Hamas organization isn’t cells or political committees – it’s families. Hamas has shown that by introducing children early enough to its hard-line Islamic thinking, it can recruit lifelong supporters.
Hamas is sending tens of thousands of poor Gazan children to camp this summer where they can enjoy sun, surf, and paramilitary training. In one Gaza City camp, boys practiced field drills with wooden pistols and crawled under barbed wire while being harangued by an adult drill instructor. Teenage boys undergo a tougher regimen that includes hand-to-hand combat and exhausting exercise. Boys that break discipline are sometimes beaten with sticks.
(Christian Science Monitor, August, 2007)
On Third Party Roles: Spreading Verbal Violence with Trumped up Criticism
Reporting the (Bad) News – Frida Ghitis
News coverage from Israel in the European press is often little more than a parody of honest journalism. To highlight at least one of the techniques used by European – and some American – news organizations, one Israeli has launched his own news parody. ”Bad News from the Netherlands,” run by Manfred Gerstenfeld, reports on the Netherlands focusing exclusively on negative news. By the time you run through the clippings – all real news stories – the usually
placid Netherlands sounds like the abode of the devil himself: Dutch soldiers suspected of torturing prisoners and killing civilians; soldiers beating an immigrant to death; Dutch politicians guilty of incitement against foreigners. His point? You can make any country look bad by the way you report about it. (Miami Herald, October, 2007)
